The British Invasion
by LovelyRita2012
Summary: Ben has to leave the Ponderosa for a business trip... and he is not willing to leave his boys at home all by themselves, especially not 9-year old Little Joe. Will the three Cartwright boys put up with the rather unpleasant intruder? Fun and trouble are on the way.
1. A Woman in the House?

**Chapter 1**  
** A Woman in the House?!**

"But Paaaa, it's not fair!", yelled Little Joe.

"Yeah… we don't even know her. What if she can't cook?!", complained Hoss.

Adam threw a napkin on his empty plate. "Why don't you trust me that I can take care of things?"

Little Joe bent over the table towards Ben. "Yeah Pa, Adam is here…"

"… we don't need nobody else!", said Hoss.

Soon all of the three Cartwright boys were talking at the same time, firing their complaints at an annoyed Ben who was sitting at the head of the dinner table and tried to get a word in edgewise. Suddenly he banged his hand on the table: "That's enough out of all three of you!" Joe was about to say something but decided to close his mouth and rather scrutinize the pattern on the table cloth.

"We have talked about this before… and my decision is final.", announced Ben and glared at his boys. "I will not leave you here all by yourselves while I'm on that business trip." He looked at his oldest. "Adam… I know that you can take care of things. But you will be out working with the herd all day and since there is summer break in school Hoss and Little Joe will be _here_ all day… unsupervised. They are too young for that."

"I will be 10 in less than two months.", announced Joe proudly but was ignored by the rest of the family. They had heard this statement too often over the last weeks.

"But why can't Hop S…", said Hoss but was interrupted by Ben. "Hop Sing is in San Francisco taking care of his sick father. He will come back when he is ready to… and nobody knows when that will be."

Adam was not willing to give up yet: "Pa… we managed before. I'm sure we can manage now. Don't you have faith in your own flesh and blood?"

Ben rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. "Boys…", he said compassionately. "It is not that I don't trust you… but you are not ready to take care of the ranch_ and_ the house all by yourselves. Besides, a woman's discipline will do you good."

The three brothers glared at Ben. They were determined to protect the Ponderosa from any kinds of intruders, especially from female ones.

Ben leaned back in his chair. "Now that we have settled this ONCE AND FOR ALL I can come back to what I wanted to say in the first place: today I received a telegram from an experienced housekeeper who is willing to take the job. She will come here next week, one day before I leave for Sacramento."

The Cartwright boys stared frustrated at their plates. Then Little Joe lifted his head and banged his fist on the table: "Them women… they is nuttin' but trouble!"

Three pairs of eyes looked at Joe. "Joseph… where did you hear a thing like that?", Ben asked annoyed.

"In town… from the guy in front of the saloon."

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head while Adam and Hoss chuckled silently.

**oooOOOooo**

"Hurry up, boys! Ms. Duncan will be here any minute!", Ben yelled standing by the staircase fixing his tie. Adam sat in the blue chair, wearing his best shirt, and sipped on a cup of coffee. He looked uncomfortably at the fireplace, bit his lip and tapped his fingers on the armrest.

Suddenly Ben sat down on the coffee table and faced his son. "Adam, I'm relying on you to look after your brothers, especially after Joe. You are still in charge, even though I did hire help. I want you and Ms. Duncan to be… well… a team."

Adam looked tiredly at his father. "Alright… I'll do my best.", he sighed.

Ben smiled lightly, however his smile faded as he saw Hoss and Joe shuffling down the staircase.

"Joe… go back upstairs and comb your hair!", he ordered as he caught sight of his youngest.

"See, I told you that you looked like a dog.", said Hoss and got punched in the shoulder.

"Owww…", he moaned and pushed Joe against the banister.

Ben jumped up. "Joseph! Do as I say and Hoss – put your shirt in your pants and come down here!"

"Yes, Sir.", sighed Hoss and did as he was told while Joe trotted back upstairs.

Ben wiped his face and started pacing around the room.

A little later, hooves clattered in the front yard. "Joseph! Come down here this instant, she's here!", yelled Ben.

Adam stood up, Hoss frowned, and Ben prepared himself to answer the door when suddenly the door flung open.

"Is this the Cartwright residence?", asked a skinny, middle-aged lady in a light blue dress. She had a lowered pair of round glasses on her nose and smiled expectantly at Ben.

"Yes, Ma'am.", Ben said surprised. "Welcome to the Ponderosa. I am Ben Cartwright and these are my sons, Hoss and Adam."

"How do you do. I am Ms. Emma Duncan.", she said grinning and scrutinized them. "I was told that there are three sons?"

"Yes… the third one will be down in a minute… JOSEEEPH!"

"It is nice to meet you, Ms. Duncan.", Adam said emotionless.

She nodded her head. "It is my pleasure, Adam."

Hoss leaned towards his brother. "Why is she talking so funny?", he whispered in his ear.

Adam was about to answer when Ms. Duncan interrupted him. "Young man, I grew up in England and your pronunciation appears just as odd to me as mine appears to you."

Hoss looked questioningly at her. She had used too many words that he had never heard before.

"What was your name again?"

"Hoss."

She frowned. "That sounds more like a nickname to me. What is your real name?"

"Eric. But most people call me Hoss. Pa calls me Eric sometimes… but only when I'm in trouble."

"I'm not too fond of nicknames. It is nice to meet you, Eric."

"Sorry Pa, I couldn't find my comb!", yelled Little Joe as he came thundering downstairs.

Ms. Duncan put her hands on her hips. "Well, well… this must be Little Joseph." Joe slowed down and stared at the lady. The way she wore her hair reminded him of his teacher.

"I'm Little Joe…"

"Hello, young man.", she said cheeringly. "You certainly seem like a most impetuous little fellow."

Joe continued walking downstairs and raised his eyebrow. "Impe… what?", he whispered and looked questioning at his father.

Ben cleared his throat. "Ms. Duncan, why don't you sit down and have a cup of coffee? You must be tired from the trip."

She laughed. "Mr. Cartwright, 20 years ago I came all the way from England to America. What is a little trip from San Francisco to Virginia City compared to that?"

Ben smiled insecurely. "Not much, I guess."

"Besides, I am not used to drink coffee. In the old country we drink tea." Adam rolled his eyes.  
"I would rather have a look at the kitchen if you don't mind."

"Well… of course. Right this way.", Ben guided her to the kitchen while the three boys exchanged skeptical looks. As soon as they disappeared behind the wall, Joe put a finger in his ear and contorted his face. "That woman's voice sounds like a rusty old wagon wheel!"

Hoss wrinkled his nose. "… and she walks like a… like an old hen."

Adam pursed his lips. "Well, Eric and Little Joseph… won't we have fun together?!", he said with a British accent. "You will help me ironing my dresses and we will drink tea and I might even teach you how to make biscuits." He looked up to the ceiling and blinked his eyes rapidly before bursting into laughter.

Joe and Hoss glared at their brother. "Deadgummit… Adam.", hissed Hoss.

"Yeah… it ain't funny!"

Adam was still chuckling when Ben and Ms. Duncan came back from the kitchen.

"My compliments, Mr. Cartwright. Your kitchen is magnificent… indeed, the entire house is magnificent.", Ms. Duncan cheered. "Now may I see my bedroom?"

"It is upstairs. Boys, get Ms. Duncan's luggage."

"Wooow!", exclaimed Joe as he saw the buckboard packed with suit-cases and bags.

"Adam, is she moving in here for good?", asked Hoss.

Adam raised his eyebrows. "Well… don't try to figure out a woman."

**oooOOOooo**

"What a marvelous dinner, Mr. Cartwright. I couldn't have prepared it any better."

"Thank you very much. I am glad you enjoyed it.", Ben said smiling proudly and took a sip of wine. "Ms. Duncan, in your telegram you told me that you have a lot of experience with children. Could you tell me where you have worked before?"

"Well, gladly. I spent the last three years with the most wonderful family in San Francisco. I took care of two little girls, just about your age Little Joseph." She pointed at Joe who was forcing himself to smile. "We had so much fun together. I spent the evenings braiding their hair and sometimes I put ribbons in it." Hoss had an agonized look on his face. "They were always so neat and well-behaved… oh I do miss them sometimes… unfortunately the family went through major financial distress and therefore I did not fit into the budget any longer.", she sighed." But here I am talking about myself! I want to know more about my new family. Eric… what is your favourite subject?"

Hoss startled and started to think. "Uhmmm… I don't know… my slingshot I guess."

Ben and Adam started laughing. "No, Hoss… not object. Ms. Duncan wants to know about your favorite subject… in school.", Ben said smiling.

"Oh… hmm… recess, I guess."

Ms. Duncan frowned and cleared her throat.

Ben felt like changing the subject. "Would you like to have a piece of cake?"

"No, thank you. I had sufficient.", she said and dabbed off her thin lips with the corner of the napkin.

"Gentlemen, it was a most pleasant evening… but I think it is time for me to go to bed." She yawned and tried to hide it behind her hand. "I will see you all tomorrow, bright and early." She slowly got up and left the table. "Have a pleasant night."

"Good night.", the Cartwright family said in unison.

Joe and Hoss waited patiently for her to disappear behind the staircase before turning to Ben.

"Paaaa… she will put ribbons in my hair! Don't leave us alone with her, please!", begged Joe.

"She acts just like my school teacher… can't you find somebody else?", pleaded Hoss.

Ben was tensed. He still had to figure out how to reel in this timber contract and he tried to mentally prepare for the trip to Sacramento.

Ben tapped his fingers on the table and glared at Joe and Hoss. Then he focused his oldest, who was stretching in his chair. "Adam, it's your turn now! Don't you have anything to complain about? Come on… out with it!", Ben said frustrated.

Adam scratched his forehead. "Well… I was just asking myself… where was that Paul Revere fellow when we needed him?!"

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed it. Please, please comment! **


	2. Know your Enemy

**Chapter 2**  
**Know Your Enemy**

"Do you really have to go?", asked Little Joe with sad eyes as he saw his father putting his bags on the buckboard.

"Yes, Joe… but I'll be back before you know it.", Ben said warmly.

"I'm sure we won't have any fun with that… woman around." Joe kicked against the wagon wheel and Ben's face darkened.

"Joseph, I expect you to be on your best behavior, no matter what.", he said sternly and Joe turned away from him. "Joseph?"

Little Joe sighed. "Yes, Sir."

Ben put his hand on the shoulder of his youngest and went inside with him.

"Boys, I better get going… the stage won't wait."

Hoss and Adam got up from the breakfast table and went to their father.

"Bye, Pa.", said Hoss and reached out his hand. Ben pulled him into a hug and patted his back.

"Good bye, son … watch out for your little brother, you hear."

"Sure, Pa."

Ben let go of Hoss and shook Adam's hand. "You make sure that everything gets done around here. I'm making it your responsibility."

"Don't worry.", Adam said confidently and Ben patted his shoulder.

Little Joe was still standing next to his father and stared at the floor when Ben squatted down to his eye level and put his hands on his shoulders. "Joe, it's only for three weeks… look at me… Ms. Duncan is in charge now, along with Adam. I expect you to listen to them and I don't want to hear any complaints from either of them, is that understood?", Ben said calmly but firmly.

Joe was not too fond of his father's request but eventually nodded his head and sighed. "Yes, Pa."

"Good. Hoss, the same goes for you." Ben turned and looked up to his middle son, who also nodded at his father.

Suddenly Joe threw himself into Ben's arms and squeezed him tight. Ben smiled and pressed his youngest to his chest. As soon as Joe let go, Ben stood up and went to the new maid. "Good bye, Ms. Duncan, thanks for being here… I hope my boys won't give you too much trouble."

"You are most welcome, Mr. Cartwright. And don't you worry. I will take good care of the three."

Adam frowned at Ms. Duncan and then turned to his father. "Are you sure you don't want me to drive you into Virginia City?"

"There's no need to. You go ahead and finish your breakfast. You can pick up the buckboard the next time you go into town for supplies."

"Alright. Have a save trip then."

Ben nodded, took his hat from the cabinet and went outside, followed by his family and Ms. Duncan. He patted Joe on the head. "See you later, boys… Ms. Duncan." He tipped his hat before he jumped on the buckboard and drove off.

As soon as Ben had left the yard, he bit his lip, looked up to the sky and whispered: "Please let those four get along."

**oooOOOooo**

Adam had already left for work when Little Joe sat at the breakfast table and shoved his eggs from one side of the plate to the other.

Hoss noticed that his little brother was unhappy and tried to cheer him up: "Joe, do you want to go fishing after breakfast?" Little Joe's eyes lit up. "Of course!"

"Just let me get some more scrambled eggs… then we can go." Hoss turned his head towards the kitchen. "Ms. Duncan… could I get some more eggs, please?"

"Eggs are all gone, Eric.", came a voice from the kitchen.

Little Joe saw the disappointment on Hoss' face and handed him his plate.

"Thanks, Joe."

"The sooner your belly is full the sooner we can go fishing."

"Fishing?", asked Ms. Duncan as she approached the table.

"Yes, Hoss and me are going to the lake!", cheered Joe.

"Hoss and I are going to the lake.", corrected Ms. Duncan.  
**  
**Joe frowned. "_You_ wanna go, too?"

"No, Little Joseph… in correct English it is 'Hoss and I'."

Joe scratched his forehead. "Anyway… we're going to the lake."

"Where exactly is that lake if I may ask?"

"About 20 minutes to ride.", answered Hoss.

Ms. Duncan pressed her lips together. "Gentlemen, I'm afraid I can't let you go."

Joe jumped up. "WHAT? WHY?"

"You are my responsibility now and I have to see to it that you are not harmed. So I want you to stay home, where you are safe.", she said determined.

"What can possibly happen? Pa always lets us go to the lake!", Hoss said agitatedly.

"You could fall off the horse or run into trouble with Indians, for instance."

"If we fall off, we get back on!", shouted Joe.  
"… and the Indians around here are our friends.", added Hoss.

"Eric… how can you call them your friends? They are different from us."

Hoss' and Little Joe's eyes narrowed.

"Besides, I don't have any use for fish today. I plan to cook chicken this evening and I don't want you to spoil your appetite."

Joe pushed himself back from the table, jumped off his chair and stomped outside.

"I have made up my mind. You will stay here.", said Ms. Duncan shortly before Joe slammed the front door.

Hoss pulled a wry face and followed his little brother.

"Hoss, she has no right to tell us nothing! Let's go!", shouted Little Joe as soon as he saw his brother coming out of the house.

Hoss took a deep breath. "Joe… Pa left one hour ago… it is too early to get into trouble… even for you."

Joe looked on the floor and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it is a bit early... yeah."

Hoss sighed and headed to the barn. "Come on, buddy, we have chores to do."

**oooOOOooo**

"Adam, she's awful… she sent me to bed at seven… SEVEN!", complained Joe who was sitting on Adam's bed, clutching a pillow.

"And she wouldn't let us go fishing… said it was too dangerous.", moaned Hoss who was right next to Joe.

Adam scratched his forehead.

"Well, Ms. Duncan is… different and she is concerned about you. She doesn't know what the life out here is about. I guess you have to give her some time to get adjusted." Adam tried to calm his brothers down, knowing they had to find a way to get along with her.

"Adam, I figured you'd be on our side!?", said Hoss.

"Of course I'm on your side. I just think you have to be patient with her."

Joe rolled his eyes as Adam continued. "Whether you like it or not, you are stuck with her and I want you to make the best out of it… and now get out of my room. I'm dead tired and you two are occupying my bed." Adam yawned and watched his brothers trotting sadly to the door.

Adam smirked. "Tell you what… I'll take you fishing this weekend, alright?"

Joe turned around. "Really? Thanks."

"Pfff… if she lets us out of the house…", growled Hoss and left the room.

**oooOOOooo**

"There you are, Adam.", said Ms. Duncan as she poured Adam a cup of coffee. "I'm afraid I am not an experienced coffeemaker. That is why I hope even more that it pleases you."

Adam took a sip and suddenly his face contorted. He was about to spit it out, however forced himself to swallow. "It is… fine. Just fine.", he said with a fake grin. Ms. Duncan smiled contently and disappeared in the kitchen.

"Aren't you the same fella who is always telling me to tell the truth?!", said Joe.

"Joe, there are times when politeness is more important than the truth. At least she tried; she should get some credit for that… now help me to get rid of it." Adam handed Joe the cup. "Pour it into the vase behind you."

Joe smelled the cup, wrinkled his nose and followed Adam's order.

"At least she's a good cook.", said Adam as he stood up and went upstairs to get his working pants.

"Boys, when you are finished, carry your dishes in here.", ordered a loud voice from the kitchen and Hoss and Joe did as they were told.

"Thank you, boys. Now fetch your books, please."

"What books?", asked Joe.

Ms. Duncan smiled. "School books, my dear. Today happens to be Monday."

"Ms. Duncan, there ain't no school. It is summer break.", said Hoss

"I am very well aware that there_ is_ no school, Eric. However, non scholae sed vitae discimus."

"WHAT?", shouted Joe.

"That was a Latin saying, Little Joseph. It means that you should not study for school but for life… now let me finish the dishes and do as I said."

Hoss and Joe left confused and as soon as they were in the middle of the big room, Hoss stomped his foot. "I'm not reading any deadburn school books during summer break!"

"Me neither… and I don't care what them Latin people said either.", said Joe as he watched his oldest brother coming downstairs.

Hoss turned his head. "Adam, she wants us to do schoolwork. Can you believe that?"

Adam closed his belt buckle. "Well… why not? A few hours of catching up with your lessons won't hurt you."

"It'll hurt my head!", yelled Joe and Adam smirked.

In the next moment, Ms. Duncan stood in the room. "Eric, Little Joseph… may I ask why you haven't carried down your books, yet?

Hoss turned around. "Look, lady… this is America. You can't tell us what to do. We dumped your tea in the harbor of San Francisco for a good reason."

Ms. Duncan raised one eyebrow and put her hands on her hips.

"Hoss…", whispered Adam.

"I won't stand here and put up with…", continued Hoss but was interrupted by Adam. "Hoss…", he said in a louder voice.

"What?", he asked annoyed.

"It was the Boston harbor."

"Who cares about the harbor… it is the principle of the thing!"

Joe crossed his arms and nodded while Ms. Duncan took a deep breath. "Eric, may I ask you _why_ the settlers threw tea chests into the Boston harbor."

Hoss wrinkled his forehead and swallowed. "Well… they… they were sick and tired of all this tea and wanted to have… ehm… lemonade instead."

Adam had covered his eyes with his hand by now.

Ms. Duncan walked towards Hoss, whose self-confidence had lowered decisively. "Young man, it is a lot worse than I thought. I'm telling you once more… you will go upstairs, fetch your history book, come back down and study. AND YOU WILL DO SO RIGHT NOW!"

Hoss stared at the floor and decided to give in. He slowly turned around and dragged his feet to the staircase.

Adam chuckled silently as he headed to the front door. "I would loooove to stay longer but there is work to do. See you in the evening.", he patted Joe on the back and glanced at Ms. Duncan before stepping outside. _It'll do them good_, he thought as he led his horse out of the barn. Adam couldn't understand why his brothers were complaining in the first place. He had read all of his school books in advance; voluntarily.

As soon as his oldest brother was out of sight, Little Joe felt free to express his opinion.

"I won't bury my nose in them books!", he said foaming.

"Oh yes, you will.", Ms. Duncan said calmly, glaring at the boy.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"Oh yes I can.", she said confidently.

Joe's eyes narrowed and he stared fiendishly at her. Ms. Duncan kept a straight face and went closer to the boy. Before he could realize it, she grabbed him by the ear and dragged him into the kitchen. "Oww!" Joe tried to wiggle himself out of her grip.

In the kitchen she grabbed his arm and took a brush from the shelf. Little Joe's eyes grew wide. "If you think you're gonna hit me with that I will… I will…", he stammered anxiously.

Ms. Duncan took Joe's wrist and pressed the brush in his hand.

"There… after you are done I want to see my face on that floor." She let go of him, picked up a bucket and went to the pipe.

Little Joe murmured through clenched teeth: "Then it's gonna be the ugliest floor in all Nevada."

Ms. Duncan turned around while pumping water into the bucket. "What did you say?"

"That… it's gonna be the cleanest floor in all Nevada.", he said innocently.

Ms. Duncan lifted the bucket out of the basin and put it next to Joe. "I advise you to begin immediately."

She left the kitchen and went back into the big room where she found Hoss sitting on the dinner table, flipping the pages of his book, looking bored. Ms. Duncan went to the study, picked up some pieces of paper and a pencil and put them in front of Hoss. "Now you can take notes of the most important facts… I will check them later."

She went back into the kitchen and watched Joe, reluctantly scrubbing the floor.

"Don't forget that left corner, Little Joseph." Joe bit his lip and forced himself to keep quiet.

"Alright… I think you have cleaned it sufficiently. You may stop now.", Ms. Duncan said after a few more minutes. "Your school work is waiting on the table. Your brother was so nice to carry your books downstairs as well."

"But I scrubbed that darn floor, didn't I?", Joe said frantically.

"As a cure for your disobedience. Now get to work and better guard your tongue.", she said with her hands on her hips.

Joe pressed his lips together, dropped the brush into the water bucket, and stomped outside. He sat down next to Hoss who looked tiredly at him.

"That's gonna be the lousiest summer vacation ever.", Hoss moaned and went back to reading.

"Don't just sit there.", came a voice from behind and suddenly a hand placed Joe's spelling book in front of him. "Get busy. I will not allow you two to waste your time away. I promised your father to take good care of you and a good education is part of it."

A few hours later Adam came home for lunch. "Looks like the Red Coats won this one.", he said chuckling as he saw his brothers sitting on the table.

"Oh, shut up, Adam.", hissed Hoss and Adam started to laugh.

"It ain't funny!", yelled Little Joe.

"Joseph… did I hear you saying that terrible word again?!", came a strident voice from the kitchen. "Say it correctly, young man!"

"It isn't funny.", Joe said annoyed whereupon Adam burst into laughter.

**oooOOOooo**

"Ms. Donkey is here two days and our life has already turned into a living hell!" Joe softly brushed his horse as he spoke to his brother.

Hoss laughed at Joe's statement, stopped cleaning the stall and looked up. "Well… we can't hog-tie her and put her in the barn until Pa's back."

"Why not?", Joe said exitedly.

"Joe… don't be stupid."

"Mr. Wisecrack is no help neither.", sighed Joe. "All he does is laugh… some fine brother."

"Yup… "

Joe closed the stall door. "Hoss, we have to do something! You wanna let her get away with that?"

"Of course not… but what are we gonna do? You know what Pa said… and if she tells on us we're in trouble up to our necks."

Little Joe bit his lip, sat down on a bale of hay and started thinking. Suddenly he snapped his fingers. "What if we get back at her without her knowing?"

"Huh? How we gonna do that?"

"She don't know nothing about ranch work or animals, don't she?", asked Joe with a gleam in his eyes.

"I don't think so… she's from the city."

"I think I got an idea. Are you in?" Little Joe reached out his hand and Hoss shook it.

"I'm all ears, little brother…"

* * *

**I hope you're not too mad at me for taking so long to update. I had too much stress to be creative over the last months.**

**As always, I appreciate every comment! **


	3. Tricks and Treat

**Chapter 3  
Tricks and Treat **

Joe was carrying a jute sack as he and his big brother approached the chicken coop.  
"Are you sure this is gonna work?", asked Hoss.

"Sure I'm sure! Come on!" Joe opened the creaking door and stepped inside, followed by Hoss. The chickens started cackling and ran wildly around the coop as soon as they noticed the new company.

Joe handed Hoss the sack. "There… that one in the corner!"

Hoss frowned. "Why me?"

"'Cause you're bigger than I am."

Hoss rolled his eyes, took the sack and walked towards the chicken Joe had pointed at. The chicken however, did not agree with the boys' plans and started running.

"You're too slow!", shouted Joe while Hoss chased the animal.

"I'm doing the best I can!", snarled Hoss heavily breathing.

"Just throw the sack on it if you can't catch it!"

Hoss stopped for a second and in a quick move, he trapped the animal and held the sack closed with his hands. Joe clapped and cheered: "WHOO-HOO! You did it, Hoss!" The chicken was not as amused as Joe and struggled and cackled loudly.

Hoss held the moving sack up and scratched his head. "Looks like we have to do one at a time. Let's go…" He climbed out of the coop and Joe followed him with a big grin.

"How many do we need?", asked Hoss on the way to the house.

Joe shrugged his shoulders. "About seven…"

"SEVEN?", Hoss asked unbelievingly.

Joe pulled an innocent face. "Seven is my lucky number! And you know what Pa always says: If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."

**oooOOOooo**

After the boys were finished, they sat down at the porch and waited for Adam and Ms. Duncan to come back from town.

"Aren't you a little scared?", asked Hoss who was about to set up a game of checkers.

"Of what? That woman has no clue." Joe leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the table.

"What about Adam? We can't fool him."

"But he won't be here. He will grab some lunch and leave, like every day. You worry too much."

"Well..."

"Hoss, after the last days we deserve a little fun, don't we?", Joe said full of anticipation.

A few minutes later, the buggy stopped in the yard. Adam jumped down before assisting Ms. Duncan. "Hello boys, help us carry the supplies into the house.", she ordered in a high voice.

Hoss and Joe interrupted their game and did as they were told. Right after Adam had taken care of the horses, Joe's prediction came true: Big brother ate a small sandwich, swung himself on his horse and left for work.

"Lads, time for studying…", said Ms. Duncan while clearing up the table. Hoss and Joe exchanged annoyed looks before picking up their books from the cabinet. They sat down on the table and opened them.

"Good boys… see… it is a lot easier to do as you are told without complaining.", said Ms. Duncan while fixing her top knot.

"It sure is.", said Joe with a faked grin and Ms. Duncan smiled broadly. "Excuse me for a moment, boys… Virginia City certainly is a filthy lot and I'm yearning for a clean dress." She turned and headed for the stairs.

Hoss and Joe were smiling confidently as they watched her leaving.

"You think she'll scream?", whispered Hoss as soon as Ms. Duncan disappeared behind the staircase.

"I don't know… either that or she'll offer them some tea.", grinned Joe.

A few seconds later a blustering screech went through the house, making the boys jump. The next sounds they heard were agitated cackling and loud footsteps. As a sign of approval, Hoss patted Joe on the back and they both smiled proudly.

"Alright, let's go… and don't forget what you're gonna say.", said Joe grinning.

"You just make sure you don't start giggling, little brother."

The boys were smiling broadly as they slowly walked upstairs, obviously enjoying the commotion coming from the guest room.

When Hoss and Joe stepped into the hallway, they saw Ms. Duncan whirling around the room, fighting seven enraged chickens with a broom. Her hair was messed up and feathers flew all over the room. "Get out of here you beasts!", she yelled and hectically waved the broom in front of her. Hoss and Joe stopped to take pleasure in the sight for a moment before running to her.

"Ms. Duncan, how did all those chickens get in here?", asked Joe in faked surprise.

Heavily breathing she turned to Joe, put the broom down, and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I have no explanation, Little Joseph." A dark-brown chicken jumped from the bed post and flushed by Ms. Ducan's feet. The loud cackling stopped and an even gaaw-gaawck pervaded the room, alongside the acrid odor.

"Ma'am…", Hoss said in a taunting voice. "You always have to close the window before you leave! No wonder that they fly in here when you leave it open… ", Hoss forced himself not to chuckle.

Joe turned around and covered his mouth to prevent himself from breaking into laughter.

Ms. Duncan wiped her forehead. "Oh really? Well blimey… I had no idea… I've never heard of such a thing."

Little Joe mocked a serious face. "Things are diff'rent out here… you will get used to it."

Ms. Duncan gave the boys a confused look and Hoss decided to take action.

"Calm down, Ma'am, we're gonna take care of it.", he said and took her by the arm. "You can go into Pa's room and rest for a while."

Miss Duncan was shaking and one could see the exhaustion in her face.

"Th… thanks, Eric. You are… really… kind.", she stammered and wiped her face with her hand.

After she had sat down on Ben's bed, Hoss closed the door and went back to join Joe in the guestroom, which was currently hosting rather unusual guests. "Boy, what a mess!"

"You can say that again. I didn't think they'd leave so much… you know… dirt.", said Joe looking around. "Have you seen the look on her face?"

Hoss chuckled and Joe broke into a giggle.

"It was sure worth it… now come on, help me get them outta here.", said Hoss and took the broom. Slowly and carefully they shoved the chickens out of the room and down the staircase. Before they could scatter in the big room, Joe chased them together and Hoss opened the front door.

As soon as the animals were back in the yard, Hoss and Joe went upstairs to look after their victim. They found Ms. Duncan on the floor, picking up chicken feathers. "Boys… thank you for your help. Would you get me a bucket of water and a rag, please? I want to clean up the mess here… I am sorry that I've caused such an inconvenience.", she said with a guilty look on her face. "It looks like I will be quite busy here, so unfortunately I won't be able to help you with your studies… and since you have been so helpful, I am willing to give you the afternoon off."

Hoss and Joe couldn't believe their ears. "We'll get a bucket for you.", cheered Joe and left the room with his accomplice.

On the way to the kitchen, Hoss patted Joe on the back. "Joe… there are times when I'm really glad to have you around."

Little Joe smirked. "What are brothers for?"

**oooOOOooo **

It was about to get dark outside when Adam walked through the front door and put his gun and hat on the cabinet. "Good afternoon, Adam. Would you call your brothers for dinner, please? They are upstairs.", Ms. Duncan welcomed him.

"Sure… HOSS! JOE! GET DOWN HERE, DINNER IS READY!"

"So, how was your day, Adam?" asked Ms. Duncan as everyone had settled down around the table.

Adam swallowed his bite. "Fine… we fixed almost half of the broken fences. We should be done by the end of the week."

"That sounds wonderful." Ms. Duncan cleared her throat. "Well, we had some excitement too today…", she sighed.

"Oh?", said Adam surprised.

"Yes… as a matter of fact, a bunch of chickens flew into my room."

Adam put down his cutlery, leaned over to Ms. Duncan and pulled a wry face. "What was that?"

"I said chickens flew into my room."

Hoss and Joe stared at their plates and pressed their mouths together.

"How… uhm… WHAT?" Adam had trouble finding the right words.

"They were just there. Eric and Little Joseph were so nice to help me get them out of the house. The boys informed me that I shouldn't have left my window open."

Adam paused for a moment and let the information sink in. Suddenly his frown vanished. "Oh they did…", he said in a dangerously low voice and turned to his brothers. The two didn't dare to look up.

Suddenly Ms. Duncan turned to Little Joe: "Joseph!" He startled and looked up. "Look at your fingernails! You get upstairs and get washed up immediately!" Joe rolled his eyes, shoved his chair back and stood up. He glanced over to Adam and saw a smirk. That reassured him that Hoss and he wouldn't be in any trouble with their oldest brother.

Up in his room, Joe finally got a chance to relieve his face muscles and grinned broadly in the mirror while washing up. After he took his hands out of the basin he noticed that the condition of his fingernails had only improved slightly. Joe looked for soap but couldn't find any near the basin. He opened his drawer hoping to find a spare one. As he was rummaging through it, his hand got hold on something. He frowned and pulled it out.

"Hey! Where have you been hiding?!", cheered Joe as he held up the firecracker that was obviously left over from the 4th of July festivities. Joe forgot about his fingernails, put the fireworks into his pocket and went downstairs. On his way to the table he passed the fireplace and threw the firecracker next to a log that wasn't gleaming yet.

Joe sat down again and was welcomed at the table with a scold. "They are still filthy, young man!"

"Uhm… I couldn't find any soap. I'm sorry." Little Joe looked innocently at Ms. Duncan. She raised an eyebrow and decided to let it pass.

Everybody was busy eating when suddenly, a loud bang went off, making everybody cringe; Ms. Duncan screamed, jumped and eventually slid off her chair. With a loud thump she hit the floor and Adam ran to her.

"WHAT IS THAT? ARE THE INDIANS ATTACKING?", she yelled fearfully. Adam helped her up while Joe covered his mouth. Hoss was confused and didn't know what to make of the situation.

However, Adam had a well-founded hunch who was responsible for it. "JOE! What was that?", he asked with a serious expression on his face.

Joe's smile faded. "Well… you know… the wood in the fireplace… it gets really dry sometimes… and then it… it explodes. It's nothing to worry about.", he stammered.

"I'm glad it is nothing serious.", said Ms. Duncan and allowed Adam to help her up. She brushed her dress with trembling hands and took a deep breath. She took a few seconds to collect herself and put her glasses back in the right place. "Let me get desert…", she said in a low voice and left.

As soon as dinner was over, Adam cleared his throat: "Joe, Hoss… why don't you help me watering the horses?"

"Do you really need us for that?", moaned Joe.

Adam took a deep breath. "Let me rephrase that: I want to see you outside – now." He pointed at the front door and Joe decided not to argue.  
**  
oooOOOooo**

Adam wandered around the barn, shaking his head. "The Cartwright brothers and their flying chickens…"

Hoss laughed. "You should have been here, Adam! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen."

Adam covered his face, so his brothers wouldn't see him grin and sat down on a bale of hay. "I still can't get over the fact that she bought your ridiculous story!"

"Ms. Donkey is as clueless as a mule.", said Joe who was leaning against a post.

Adam grinned broadly. "Oh boy… Joe…" Then he clapped his hands on his thighs. "What in the world did you put in that fireplace?"

"A firecracker…" Adam raised his eye-brow which prompted Joe to shrug his shoulders. "Hey, it's called 'firecracker', so I thought it belonged in the fire."

Adam shook his head in desperation. "If I should ever have a kid like you… I… I'll put him on a ship to China… ONE-WAY!"

Joe gave his brother an angry look and Adam returned it.

"Joe… something could have caught fire… that was childish and dangerous."

Joe smiled. "And damn funny."

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright… you had your fun – but that's that. I know you two… and you tend to push your luck a little too far sometimes."

"And you're always making a big deal outta nothing.", complained Hoss.

Adam stood up. "I don't make a big deal out of anything. I'm just telling you to stop the pranks before something gets out of hand. That's all.", he said calmly. Then Adam started to chuckle. The picture of Ms. Duncan fighting her new roommates was still stuck in his head.

Hoss and Joe looked at each other and were suddenly infected by their older brother. As Ms. Duncan stepped outside and threw some leftovers in the trashcan, she could not overhear the laughter coming from the barn. "I wonder what is so funny at this time of the night.", she mumbled and went back inside.

**oooOOOooo**

"No, Little Joe. I don't want to get in no trouble…"

"You haven't even heard my idea! I thinked that since she's spent all her life in the city she never…"

Hoss finished buttoning his shirt and suddenly held his hand up. "Joe… I don't even wanna know your idea."

"Just one more, Hoss! Big brother won't even find out. Now don't be a spoilsport – you're just as bad as he is."

Hoss sat down to put his boots on. "Forget it, buddy. It's not only because of Adam… I also promised Pa to look after you… and I don't want nothing bad to happen. Now let's go down and grab some breakfast."

"You two are late. Your brother has already left.", growled Ms. Duncan and as she carried the boy's breakfast to the table.

"What is that?", asked Hoss after Ms. Duncan had put his plate in front of him.

"That is an apple, an egg and those are a few carrots."

Hoss wrinkled his nose. "Where is the bacon and the bread and the jelly?"

"Locked away safely.", Ms. Duncan and smiled. "It is about time that someone changes your way of eating, young lad. We don't want you to get too chubby."

Anger flashed over Hoss' face. "How should I get some strength with this… this rabbit food?"

"Don't worry, Eric. You will get plenty of strength out of this… look how fast a rabbit can run." Ms. Duncan patted Hoss on the shoulder and went back into the kitchen.

Hoss' eyes narrowed and reluctantly he started eating. Joe put his elbow on the table and rested his head on his fist. With a fiendish smile, he watched his brother chewing on a carrot. Hoss swallowed. "Deadburnit, Joe… stop grinning like an old ass… and better tell me about your idea!"

**oooOOOooo**

"Boys… I am not so sure about this…", Ms. Duncan said concerned as she went outside with Hoss and Joe.

"There she is… as gentle as an old hound dog.", said Hoss and pointed at a horse that was tied up in the yard next to the trough.

"Eric, Little Joseph… I appreciate that you want to teach me but I don't have any experience with horses. When I travel I take the stagecoach or hire a driver who knows how to handle a buggy."

"That's just the point. You don't have experience… so we will teach you.", smiled Joe and looked at her with big, green eyes.

"That's right. You learn us history and we learn you how to do things in Nevada.", added Hoss with a warm smile and raised eyebrows.

Ms. Duncan softened; she did not want to disappoint the two boys. She sighed and pressed her lips together. "Aw, alright… if you insist…"

The Cartwright brothers smiled broadly and ran to the horse. Ms. Duncan nervously shifted from one food to another as the two led it towards her.

"Say hi, Betty. This is Ms. Duncan.", said Hoss and patted the animal on the neck.

"Nice to meet you, Betty.", Ms. Duncan said shyly and scrutinized the horse.

"Now, let's start. First you have to _get on_ the horse… by putting your right foot in the stirrup on the right side of the horse.", said Hoss and Joe grinned.

"Alright…", she said determined and walked to Betty's side. Ms. Duncan lifted her foot and put it in the stirrup. "What now?"

"Just push yourself up and get on it.", said Joe.

Ms. Duncan gathered up all of her courage and did as she was told. In the next second she sat on top of Old Betty – the wrong way round. Behind her back were the two Cartwrights, laughing silently in their hands.

"Boys!", she yelled fearfully. "What did I do wrong?"

Hoss was the first one who managed to pull himself together.

"No problem… you just come down and try again."

The next attempt went a lot better. This time Ms. Duncan used her left foot and soon, she sat calmly on the horse that Hoss led around the front yard.

"You have to take the reins, Ms. Duncan!", shouted Joe and Hoss handed her the reins.  
The horse stopped and Joe ran to her. "It is really easy now… when you want her to stop you give her a little kick… when you want to her to go you pull the reins." Miss Duncan looked at Little Joe from above and nodded.

"That does not seem too hard."

"Now go…", said Joe and gave the horse a slap. Ms. Duncan was still a little scared, but after all, enjoyed riding the horse. After a few minutes, Betty decided to speed it up a little and Ms. Duncan became uncomfortable. She remembered Joe's words and gave the horse a little kick.

"NO! I WANTED HER TO STOP! WHY IS THIS ANIMAL GOING FASTER? ERIC! LITTLE JOSEPH!", she yelled.

Joe and Hoss watched the spectacle with joyful eyes. "DON'T WORRY, SHE WILL STOP!", shouted Hoss.

"… after an hour.", whispered Joe and Hoss chuckled.

"JUST SIT STRAIGHT AND STAY CALM!", advised Hoss and Ms. Duncan followed his order. She sat up like a flag-pole and bravely endured her ride, desperately hoping for it to end.

"How do you think of things like that?", whispered Hoss.

Joe tipped on his head. "Brains… big brother… brains."

Hoss grinned and wiped his eyes. The second he removed his hand, something appeared in his vision that was not supposed to be there: Adam, who was riding unsuspectingly in the yard. His horse had thrown a shoe, so he had to come back to the ranch earlier than expected. Adam could not believe his eyes as he saw the maid riding in circles around the yard, looking like a doll that was tied to a horse. He jumped off of his horse, ran to Betty and grabbed her reins t o make her stop.

"Thank heavens, Adam." Ms. Duncan breathed in relief and carefully descended the horse. She massaged her neck as she stood on the ground, next to a confused Adam. "At the beginning it was fine but then I couldn't make her stop."

"Why did you ride her in the first place?", asked Adam agitatedly.

"Eric and Little Joseph insisted on teaching me…", she smiled tiredly and pointed at the two boys who all of a sudden seemed very eager to get quickly into the house.

Adam's face darkened. "Why don't you relax a little on the porch while I bring the horse back to the barn."

"That sounds splendid… but only for a little while… there is work to do."

Adam nodded and led Betty in her stall. He took off the saddle and strode back into the house.

"Joe! Hoss!" The big room was empty, so Adam walked into the kitchen. "If I get my hands…", he said through clenched teeth and walked upstairs.

Hoss was lying on his bed and tried to look innocent as the door flung open. "Where is Joe?", asked Adam.

"Uhmmm… I don't know."

Adam left for Joe's room and found it empty. He rolled his eyes and walked to his brother's bed. Adam turned up the blanket and saw Joe's leg moving under the bed. He grabbed it and pulled him out.

Joe stood up and brushed the dust off his clothes. "Adam… what are you doin' here? I was just looking for a marble that rolled under my bed."

Adam pursed his lips and nodded. "You have lost more than one marble… that's for sure. Now get over to Hoss' room!" He nudged his brother towards the door and followed him.

"Out with it! What was Ms. Duncan doing on a horse?", Adam asked sternly. With crossed arms he stood in front of his brothers who were sitting on Hoss' bed.

"We wanted to show her how to ride.", said Joe, trying to make it sound like it was the truth.

Adam took a deep breath. "Alright… let's try again: What was Ms. Duncan doing on a horse?", he said in a dangerous tone of voice that sounded almost like Ben's.

Hoss knew that they could not fool their brother. "It was another prank… we told her that she has to kick the horse to make it stop and to pull the reins to… you know…", he said uncomfortably. "Deadburnit… she didn't give me nothing to eat for breakfast… so I listened to Joe's dumb idea." Joe stepped on Hoss' foot whereupon Hoss poked Joe with his elbow.

Adam's eyes narrowed. "Have you lost your senses? She could have been seriously hurt!"

"On Old Betty?! Come on."

"Don't argue with me, Joe! You not only put Ms. Duncan in danger but you disobeyed. Yesterday I told you to stop the nonsense."

"You mean you were serious?"

Adam raised his finger. "Don't push it, Joe!"

"Deadburnit, Adam… how can we take you serious when you are laughing all the time?", interjected Hoss and Adam's anger ceased.

"Yeah… you found the chicken thing funny as hell!", added Joe.

"Alright… I admit it… you have a point there." Adam paused for a second. "But THIS time I'm DEAD SERIOUS. If you two pull one more stunt, you're going to answer to Pa… I will make you tell him about the chickens, the firecracker and about your new jobs as riding teachers.", he said firmly. "If anything happens, _I_ will get the lecture on responsibility and why I didn't look after you and how I could let that happen and that I'm not mature enough. No, Sir… it's not gonna happen."

Joe saw in Adam's eyes that he meant every word. Expectantly, Adam looked at his brothers.

Joe sighed. "Alright. No more pranks… I promise."

"Hoss?"

"Yeah… I know I shouldn't have listened to him in the first place." Hoss said annoyed and pointed at Joe.

"Three dull weeks ahead…", said Joe and pounded his fist on the mattress he was sitting on.

Adam raised his finger and looked his little brother deeply in the eyes. "You better make sure they're gonna be dull!"

* * *

**I hope you had a little fun. Thank you very much for every one of your encouraging comments! They are the fuel that keeps me going. **

**For my fellow Adam-Fans: He will get involved a lot more, especially in the next chapter. :)**


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